2016 was a huge year, with many ups and downs for Jay and I. I have often thought, “Why did I do this to myself? A house, a wedding, and college graduation all in one year? Have I lost my mind?” I have never cried so much, worried even more, and stressed about things I haven’t ever had to stress about before. Things like money. I originally wrote this post on How to Cling To Your Spouse When Things Get Tough, a few months ago before we moved into our house. Since this so much has changed, but this post has become even more important and has taken on a whole new meaning for me. This is definitely more personal, but I truly feel the need to share it, with the hopes that it will inspire you and be of benefit to you and your spouse. Because sometimes things get tough and thankfully relationships are designed to hold us up.
I have been so blessed in my life and I am still so blessed beyond belief. Still, sometimes its easy to get down, and even stressed, when things appear to be falling apart. When Jay is stressed, and worried, he always holds his composure much better than I do. For me, throughout each day the tension builds, and builds, until there is nothing left inside that will hold the tension. And then… the tears come.
The past few months have been life altering for me. I have personally learned how to trust God in new ways and have seen his amazing presence in our lives. I realized that I have not been living the life I should be living and by faith, the way I should be living it. It’s quite simple and we know that its easy to trust, and put your faith in God, when things are smooth sailing. It’s really when the rubber hits the road, and things aren’t the way we want them to be, that we really struggle with doing what is right, and trusting in Him. Most of the time, when things get tough, we stop saying the right things and lifting ourselves up when we need it most. The past few months have proven to me that we can do this.
God has my back. He always does, he always has, and he always will. Let me tell you something special. He has your back too! So don’t give up friend!
Other than my mom, I have never met anyone who lives by faith more than Jay. He leads me to the lord when I need it most and serves as a constant uplifting reminder that God is still, and always will be, in control. Lately, amidst this stressful life season, I have found our relationship together grow in Christ. This is mostly thanks to Jay and his incredible support, but I know that truly it is the lord showing us how to cling to one another when we need it most. By nature, my narcissistic, Type A personality, tends to fight, cry and blame, when the water begins to rise. My inability to remain in control is my biggest flaw, fear, and the main reason that I find myself struggling, when I really should be flying. Jay has guided me, lifted me and served as my example of how I should be living. He has taught me to love, care and live by faith.
Marriage is so new to Jay, and I, and truly I have no ground to speak on marriage, so we will just call this speaking on a relationship (not marriage). Because Jay and I have been in a relationship for over 8 years now! In the past several months, we have been worn down, torn down, and truly tested at limits we didn’t ever imagine would come before marriage. Looking back, I have learned so much and although I don’t want to relive those struggles, I am thankful for each of them.
Why You Should Cling to Your Spouse, When Things Get Tough
Together You Can Do More Than One Single Person Alone
Not only do I believe in the power of numbers, but why should we fight our battles alone, when we have our spouse, and family, to stand beside you and fight with you? Two is much more powerful than one and I have truly found that when Jay and I come together, when facing a challenging, we find a way to get through it together. Nothing can stop us when we choose to fight together, instead of fight each other.
For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
Don’t Play The Blame Game
When things get tough, the easy way out is blaming someone else for your problems and your shortcomings. Generally, that other person is you spouse. When things get tough, patience gets short and its easy to say, “Well if would have done xyz… things wouldn’t be this way!” The truth is, chances are your problem has little to do with your spouse. If you stand beside each other, rather than standing in opposition to one another, your problem will be so little. There is nothing you two can’t do together.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Serve as a Reminder & Lift Each Other
The most wonderful thing about our spouse is that they love us more than we often love ourself. Your spouse is there to serve as a reminder that you are worthy, to lead you to the Lord and to lift you up with you can’t lift yourself. Jay has done such an incredible job of each one of those things for me. He is so positive, happy and inspiring. He always believes in me, and supports me, when I need it most. He encourages me to do the things I dream of, he inspires me to be better and he leads me to the Word when I am doubting Gods greatness. He is a constant joy, that leads by example. I am so thankful for his support and try to return it, whenever I can. I try to remember the things he is good at and remind him of everything he does so wonderfully. I try take note when he needs reassurance, confidence and love. When he is struggling, I try to remind him of his strengths, of Gods promises and that I am always right there beside him. Together, we remind each other of our love, we lift each other out of our doubts, and discourages, and we promise each other that we can do anything together.
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection Outdo one another in showing honor.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Simple Actions You Can Take To Lift Your Spouse When They are In Need
- Pray together
- Read the bible together
- Give them a compliment
- Go out of your way to do something nice. Make them their favorite meal, do the chores that they dread doing, run them a bath, or just surprise them with something they love!
- Talk about when you first met and the whimsical moments following the beginning of your relationship.
- Reflect on an important life event. Whether it was a graduation, your wedding, a job promotion or any positive moment.
- Thank them for everything they do for you and remind them of just how amazing they are.
- Make them a warm drink and take the time to just talk. No cell phones, no TV, no distractions. Just one on one time.
- Do something spontaneous or things they enjoy. Have a relaxing night in or a fun dinner date out!
I hope that you find this post resourceful. Life can be challenging, but I have seen God’s greatness so many times in difficult situations. He always appears just when we need him and he never leaves us. I would love to know your thoughts, experiences and journey in marriage. What works for you? How do you cling to your spouse when things get tough?